Life with Endometriosis
Category : Blog
So how has endometriosis affected my life? There are many swear words I could input hear but I will try to remain dignified and simply say by tipping it upside down before I even had the chance to blink.
At this point in my life, I had really had enough. I was six operations down, two postponed operations, one painful infection to my wound and steroid injections in my spine and shoulder. To say it politely, I was beginning to be tipped over the edge and I didn’t want to wake up anymore to face the same battle emotionally, physically and mentally. I was simply done with life, done with being in chronic pain all the time. I was on morphine and had a whole host of other drugs to try and help me control the pain, but nothing helped. All the drugs did was give me side effects. I still remember one night clearly, where I really felt like I had no more options and that I just didn’t want to be here anymore. I felt like nothing was ever going to change and that I would be stuck in this boat my whole life. I think at this point I had finally hit rock bottom.
Suddenly, there was a little voice that came into my head and said, ‘wait a minute… you haven’t been put on this Earth to just disappear like that… start meditating!’ That voice was like a flash of light that suddenly changed my thoughts completely. I talked myself around to be the strong, unbreakable woman I truly always had been at heart.
I have always been a spiritual and open person at heart and have always believed that there is more than meets the eye, so meditation didn’t come as a surprise. With that being said, I did find it very difficult. I knew that I had to help myself and get out of this down frame of mind, otherwise I was heading in the 6 feet under direction, that’s how low this condition made me feel. The following day I sat on my bed and meditated for thirty seconds and that was enough as my concentration had broken off at about nineteen seconds. Ridiculous right?! But I persevered and extended the length of time I meditated by ten seconds every day and eventually after a couple of months of persistence, I finally learned to shut my mind off. It was absolute bliss!
I found that by simply sitting there listening to music, I could meditate for half an hour and I felt so good afterwards. Once I had the hang of it and was feeling braver, I went to my local Spiritual shop and attended their morning meditation session. I was a little nervous at first as I didn’t think I could still my mind and sit still for over an hour, but I overcame it and I loved it!
However, my meditation journey was short lived, and I experienced another bad phase. I knew I was becoming disconnected, so I Googled spiritual healing as Western medicine was proving not to help. I then had my first Reiki session (I didn’t have a clue what Reiki was, but I was screaming for help) and it was wonderful and connected me back to my spiritual roots! I initially had three weekly sessions, and this was my wakeup call! I just knew I was meant to take the healing path and learn Reiki and Meditation and whatever else was meant to come into my learning path.
Since diving into learning all these healing modalities, I am a different person. Yes, I know my pain level is the same, but I can reduce it by practicing self-healing. What I do is meditate daily to calm my mind down and I ground myself and carry healing crystals with me everywhere. I found that by surrounding myself with positivity, the negativity has no place to enter and, even if it does, then I simply acknowledge it and let it go. My life is far from perfect and medically I haven’t gotten any closer to finding out why the pain is still there and why it is just as bad, but I am happier in myself and it’s because I got out of the frame of mind where I am the patient and changed little things to help me on my way.
I do still struggle every day, but I keep on going which is the most important thing. I have also started going to the gym and this is really helping me. Yes, some days I come home and just want to cry because of the agony I am in, but I still carry on because I must and because I know that I’m not damaging anything inside, it’s just been aggravated a little. I am not going to let any medical condition rule my life! It has already taken over five precious years of my life that I will never get back.
I was diagnosed as Coeliac over 5 months ago and this has been quite gutting for me because I really love my food! I am trying to see the positive sides to it and have started to eat clean and aim to use it as an excuse to get the six pack I always wanted.
Because of everything I have been through, I wanted to really raise awareness for these conditions and last year made a start when my family and friends organised a curry and cricket event to raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis. We made home cooked curry for four hundred and fifty people! There were silent auctions, raffle prizes, bouncy castles and afternoon tea donated by the WI. It was a complete sell out and success and we raised thousands for Endometriosis UK.
Finally, after the five long years I have been through and all the ups and downs, I can finally look up into the sky and say thank you. Thank you because I have learned to love myself and my body instead of hating it because of what it was doing to me. If I hadn’t gone through everything over the last five years then I wouldn’t be doing what I love, and I wouldn’t be what the situation has moulded me into, a better person.
The thing I still struggle with the most is being around babies and young children and wishing that people would be a bit more considerate and accepting. Yes, I may or may not be able to have my own children, but it does not change the way these situations make you feel. People need to understand that!
Throughout this whole ongoing ordeal, my family has been my strength. They have supported me unconditionally through an illness that they can’t physically see but do have to watch me battle with every day. It has been very hard at times as these conditions have tested every aspect of the relationships I have had with my family members, friends and others.
I have recently started walking with a walking stick to help support me when I am out and about and getting up the stairs in particular. In my early thirties I didn’t expect that and it’s hard to come to terms with. I just keep telling myself that it’s not going to be forever. However, having gone through all of this, there is one thing it has done and that is made me so much stronger. I know what I needed to do and that was to follow my childhood dream and start my own healing business. I felt that I just had to get my story out there to help and encourage others and not to give up, no matter how ugly a situation seems.
And so ‘Nirvana Holistic Therapies’ was born on 15th August 2016. I’m not going to lie, I was just as nervous as I was excited to be launching my own business especially after not being able to work for such a long time. I was very scared and anxious but as soon as I started working on my therapy room, I just knew that this was the right decision and knew what I had to face, more exhaustion and higher pain levels, but I always kept on.
This is by no means the end of my journey, it is simply the beginning of another. Yes, on days when my pain is high, I do find it hard, but I love what I do and that makes all the difference. So, for now, I would love for you to continue following me on my new journey, helping and educating others on the importance to follow your dreams and never give up, no matter how difficult a situation. I have yet again had a Laparoscopic surgery, now my 7th one. The results showed Endometriosis found yet again and destroying organs. Not the news I needed to hear, but I am still going on and going forward. My medical conditions will NEVER define me.